User Profile

I like...

black
punk
the slackers
rainbows
eyes
when people are lynched
cheesecake
doggy style
Kurt Cobain
my peroid



I dislike...

Liars
Dishonetly
fuck ups
marlboro chicks
new jersey
fish
chocolate
chicks who dig other chicks
bubblegum pop punk bullshit



If the thorn in a rose
Is a thorn in your side
Then your better off dead
if you haven't yet died.

People rushing everywhere
swarming around like flies
think I'll buy a 44
give them all a big surprise

Think I'm gonna kill myself
casue a little suicde
stcik around for a couple of days
what a scandle if i died

Yeah I'm gonna kill myself
get a little headline news
I'd like to see what the papers say
on the state of teenage blues

I can't love, shot full of wholes
Don't feel nothing, Just feel cold
I don't feel anything, just old scars
touchening up around my heart


I'm here, in my livivngroom without my equilibrium for a few weeks now.
trying to understand, learning how.
I'm in search of balance, trying so hard to become someone other then me.
Constantly thinking of a better person to be.

I'm in the realm of emotions, praying to the ears of some deaf god.
Screaming to the outter-world, begging to stop the emotions.
I'm in an endless series of departures and arrivals, comings and goings.
The great search for something I will never find.

If only I could beg on my knees with all my heart ever feeling for life to just rewind.
I feel things from the inside out.

My heart staind with time. Seeing all things through the looking glass. Becomeing the center of the universe.
Becoming the intomacy, the exposure, the vulnerability, of a time that will pass.

Some nights I could literally feel my heart thawing, blood coursing through my veins like a cool stream.
realizing that life is not, "Nothing but a dream".

Other times I realize I'm tired. Tired of life, tired of feeling too much , being too manic, too tense.
I try to be this perfectionist, this is the intellectual and emotional equvient of thinking nothing but everything, in defense.

My heart crshed that day, likerain flings itself to the ground. My heart the rain,Me, the pavemnt. And here I am trying to kick deaths door, expecting to forget. Screaming for him to make an arragnment.

I've been removed from his heart by now, I've been found flowed and unwanted, nonexistent. Him, acting nonchalant, emotionless, he won the tournament.

I went to great lenghts to prove myself right, because it keeps the world in my head coherent and understadable. Then when I came to realization nothing whatsoever seemed comperhensible.

Why is is now at night, peaceful surroundings set off tiny explosions in my chest? So once very real and beautiful, full and loving, home. My true home, is no longer, I am now a guest.

Intimacy gone, wanting none of it. No attachments, no physical contact, no displays of emotions and caring.Theres only so many ways I could describe in my frantic scribbles all the ways in which people were wroning me, before it beame painfully obvious even to myself that i was lying, life becaming daring.

In my thoughts: the random, the pointless, and the bizarre, trying to avoid that realizationto remake the rest of me. These wonders have always scared the hell out of me-Precisely because of the inevitable horror that hits you midway through the binge of emotions on who to be.

I was oaring through my glass, high on adrenaline leaning on his chest hearing the sound of his heart beat layers below. It always nice when someone's in love with you. Gives you leverage. Makes things flow. Feeling bad, from the infinte needs that I recognize in myself, and the will to annihilatethem in any way i can.

Wanting to escape theseeverlasting thoughts of pain, emotions. Not wanting to stand. Everything was flitered through the lens of my heart, unbaring feelings, pooring out words, cutting of the realtion part of my mind, shutting out the self-knowledge.

Lifting me from the cuvres. I anted to see how far I'd go. Then, coudn't quite bring myself to break the fall. It was his presense I reached for, yet, could not grasp. I knew the I'd lost it all.